M. M. Hannagan... 9/10/11, outside Tandys w/Chris.B w4m I don't know how else to reach you so I have resorted to this....
I just wanted to say it was really good running into you that weekend. I am sorry I cried :( We have both come a long way from drinking wine coolers and making out at your aunts house while listening to K7, 15 long years ago...
But what I really wanted to say is this:
I am genuinely sorry, for everything I put you through. It has been eating at me for years. I deserve the guilt and the shame, but M, I am so ready to let a little of it go. But I think the shame is mine to keep.
When I met you, I was just a baby. I had very little love in my life but an immense amount of hatred and chaos as a child...by the time I met you I was so lost and confused, and God, so self-centered. I didn't think so of course, I thought I was a woman, thought I knew myself. I am so sorry that you stumbled across my path that day in the recruiting office...if I hadn't offered you a ride home...you would have never ended up hurt by me and you never would've had to deal with all the negative things I brought to your life..
...There is no excuse for my choices, or my behavior, I may have been lost and young, but I know right from wrong. I always have, even then. And I still chose the wrong things wherever it suited me, even though it hurt you.
The woman that I became, that I am today, is embarassed, and humiliated for the girl I was. I have lived with guilt and shame for years now about that entire period of my life right up through the way I chose to divorce you. I wish I could have done everything so differently. I am a good person, i hope so much, that somewhere in me, you did see a little glimpse of that ...I really hope you knew there was some good in me. But, at that point, I couldn't see past myself. You needed a woman, and you deserved a respectful, loving lady, standing by your side while you were serving your country...instead you got a screwed up little 18 year old girl, looking out only for herself, and at your expense. I am just so sorry.

For years now I've wanted to talk to you. To ask for your forgiveness. But I was almost afraid to find you divorced woman looking fucking dating audio sex, afraid to see hate in your eyes. I would have deserved it, I still do. But it would have been devastating.

But then when I finally ran into you, you hugged me. I couldn't stop crying, which is why I immediately left. I was so embarrassed to be so emotional...I mean, it's been years... and here I was crying. A million things went thru my head ...I wanted to ask you about your mom, your nephew...but I knew it wasn't my right, or my place. And it certainly wasn't the time to tell you everything I've wanted to say...but now that I don't know how to find you again...I wish I had.
I am very thankful that you were so nice to me that night, and that you were still willing to hug me, after everything I put you through. You were a gentleman for handling running into me the way you did. I sincerely hope you know how devastated I am at what I did to you all those years. I know it's selfish, but I do hope that you can forgive me. I wish you all the happiness in the world M.
Truly,
J.W
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