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Single woman seeking love creative dating the whole situation. If you can't say anything nice to him/them about him/them, then say anything at all. Listen, this "kid" feels like he's grown. He's 20. And while you think he's still a kid and needs guidance or whatever, all that guidance and instruction is going to fall on def ears because he's not in a place to listen to it. With a stepson like you have, you might be able to get through if you've earned some kind of closeness with him in the last 6 years. Your messages of responsibility might get through in positive and creative ways but he's probably soured against you at this point. Your wife is allowed to have whatever dynamic she has created. That's on her. You AREN'T going to be able to change it now. The most you can do is come up with some hard and fast boundaries (girls staying over? money you spend/lend? letting him move back after school?) that you AND she agree upon, then stick to 'em. If I were you, I'd try to create some forum in which the stepson and I had a positive relationship, then let all the rest of it go.
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