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You put up a long posting Friday night but have since taken it down. It was directed at a woman whom you've been friends with for a long time, so long your ex would be suspicious there was an affair, clearly you want more, but you posted that you think she is due to a past abusive relationship. Your post was centered around the theme that she was hot one day, cold the next, flirted with you after a few beers... This posting struck a chord with me. I feel like where I am now, I am that girl. I don't mean to be, but I am. She probably is terrified. I know I am. And I wanted to say, as that girl, please have !! Above all, ! Leaving an abusive relationship is HARD, healing from it even harder, and the idea of taking the chance on someone new who worst case scenario will require you to repeat the process of leaving again, is exhausting... One needs to be sure things are different, and that takes time. Abusive men often present as normal and very charming at first. So it's hard to judge, and when ones made the mistake of judging incorrectly in the past, one starts to lose faith in their own judgement. even if she's known you forever, though that will help, it will still be hard. Give it time. Jumping in head first is terrifying, overwhelming, and she will seek out a reason to leave. I only say this, because I am this... If you want her, and if you are correct that she is , then you will need to be patient, or move on... Like most do.
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