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I wanna make you happyyyyyy, I wanna make you feel aliiiiive m4w You, you, you. You with your quirkiness. You with your passion for life. You, who have permanently and simultaneously imprinted times of pure bliss and times of pure agony in my mind... I don't have the courage or strength to let you go. These days my life, i feel it has no purpose  but late at night the feelings swim to the surface.
I've lost count of how many goodbyes we've had... But I've finally come to terms with us. I tell myself "why do you always talk about the wrong way in and the wrong way out? It's only going to be as easy as you make it for yourself". As much as I try to rationalize my words and actions, nothing makes sense. 
Since we first met, I had an unknown urge to know you. I was on the pursuit of happiness and i know everything thats shines ain't always gonna be gold. But hey, you were coming with me. 
Our "relationship" was, in some ways, completely unorthodox, yet almost too good to believe. Our casual passings, meaningless chatter, glimpses of your hair, smile, glasses, and worry-free gait, your scent of fresh cupcakes...  I realized I think I'm in love with the girl next door. It's driving me crazy I can't take it anymore. I hear her playing the drums late at night. The neighbors complain but that's the kind of girl I like. 
The midnight parking lot masquerades were so enjoyable, even though i didn't say much. I kept it cool. I absorbed you, your life, your stories. Time didn't exist. It was just us. You were able to coerce me from my shell little by little. I felt as if all this talking pulls my teeth. I believed in you, you believed in me. 
My fantasy with us was within reach  i figured eventually we bought a home we bartered right. Two kids, two car delight. Posed pictures on the wall, small talk in the bedroom halls. Of course, that's my ideal plan with everyone I fall for. You were no different... But in a similar vein, you were extraordinarily different. To this day I can't put my finger on it. 
I often think about our stroll along the train tracks. Down by the river. Crossing the bridge. Losing your keys. Having so much fun. And I could see our days becoming nights. I could feel your heartbeat across the grass. We should have run. I would go with you anywhere. I should have kissed you by the water. 
Finally, during one fateful evening, we broke our boundaries. We let go of our worries, shed our armor, and embraced each other the way we've been longing for. For how long? Quite possibly since day one. In that evening, our bodies would flow sweetly, hang heavy. You suddenly complete me... You suddenly complete me. God you were amazing. 
The way we made love together was simply incredible. You know this. I loved it. Our breath, bodies, and emotions, feeding off each other. Infinite energy and bliss. Every time. Every time. Your love pours down on me, surrounds me like a waterfall. And there's no stopping us right now. I feel so close to you right now. 
As time went on, i felt like we were one in the same. Let me be the one who s you baby all the time. Surely you can take se comfort knowing that you're mine. Those words danced through my head everyday. I can't believe what a grasp you've had on me. The great thing was the feeling was mutual. 
The dilemma in my mind was something I've never dealt with. Too much going single woman seeking love dating site married on at once. Too many emotions, being pulled left and right. After much deliberation... I stood and walked away. I'm never coming back this way. I've got my things, I'm here to stay. I'll try to pull the night away. I wanted to be with you. I wanted us to work. But within the uncertainty my life was experiencing, there were loose ends that needed attention first.
My personal demons looked as if they would be tamed without fail. It looked good. It looked easy. But distraction after delay after dilemma kept coming up. I kept telling myself everything was going to be ok. I was wrong. So, so, so unfortunately wrong. We had to part ways. To this day, i still cant fully explain why, but i had to let go of you. It felt completely wrong but it had to be done. Through our destruction, eventually one of us will be okay. And if somebody's going to make it, then this somebody ought to be you. And I keep telling my reflection ambitions are already starting to fade. 
One goodbye after another... We would always be determined that it was final. Our last words. Our last hug. For some reason i kept coming back to you. Oh, I keep trying to run away, from what you're saying  oh, i keep trying to run away, but I stay standing. 
I missed you so much that i would immediately break down and let you know you were on my mind. Every little quirk would spark a thought of you. You were the first person i'd want to tell and share a laugh with. Your love is out, believing despite the loss. Give me your hand, lets face this night and see it through.
You and i were unstoppable. I was so proud and privileged to be with you, even though we were playing in the shadows. All i cared was that you were by my side and i alone was able to bask in your warmth. Driving in your car I never, never want to go home, because I haven't got one anymore. Home was being in your arms.
Do you know what kind of impact gou have on people? I'll never forgive myself for letting you go. There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more than to feel you deep in my heart. There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more than to never feel the breaking apart, my pictures of you. I hold onto our beautiful memories and desperately wish we could create more. Under the anonymity of "missed connections", I spill my heart out to you. Cowardly? Yes, but painfully true.
Frankly, I don't know if you're going to read this. But this quells and soothes my inner voice with all my "what if's", and, in a way, helps me rationalize the pain I've caused you. I wanna make you happy, I wanna make you feel alive. Why? Because you've effortlessly done that for me in such a short amount of time. You deserve only the best. I hope you get it. Goodbye.  Divorced woman looking casual porno adult friend finder dating
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